Llama Nation...

"I wanna be the Llama Queen!!" -- Almond Joey

Information...

"Sometimes less is it." -- Almond Joey

Inheritance...

"So what you're saying is that meal-worms are going to save the earth?" -- Highly Suspeck

Snacks...

"Every bite of Clam Dip is like a hug from Photoschriber." -- Highly Suspeck

It's too late...

"It's too late, Sasquatch. It's too late." -- Almond Joey

Hair...

Ringmaster: Were you bald last week?

Highly Suspeck: I'm actually a Chia Pet.

Anniversary...

Photoscriber: You've been here for two years?

Highly Suspeck: And they said it would never last...

Yeti...

"What do you think about Yeti's in suits?" -- Medicine Woman

Being Vegan...

"What if you're on a motorcycle and a bug flies in your mouth? Are you still Vegan?" -- Feisty Feline

Lunch...

"Cafe Rio Day!! I'm a rebel without a burrito." -- Almond Joey

Meetings...

"I love creative meetings over tater-chips and cucumbers." -- Crafty Sven

Names...

"I heard my initials." -- Cooper

Lions...

"Nobody saw them. They were the Ghost and the Darkness!!" -- Almond Joey

Cake...

Liza the Admin: Do you like Lemon Cake, Almond Joey?

Almond Joey: I like it if you want me to Liza the Admin...

Birthday Wishes...

"I have to apologize for what I wrote in your card. I thought it was Highly Suspeck's..." -- Almond Joey

Chips...

"Well those chips don't just eat themselves." -- Feisty Feline

Zombie Apocalypse...

"It's either the $1,000 shoes or the baby." -- Feisty Feline

The Muffin Man...

Almond Joey: Do you know the Muffin Man? The Muffin Man?

Highly Suspeck: He lives on some street. I forget which one.

Song Lyrics...

It's 4 Real: Is your printer not working?

Medicine Woman: Nothing is working.

It's 4 Real [singing]: Digital, digital get down.

Warm Fuzzies...

"Nothing says 'heart strings' like the IRS." -- Hot Pink Gym Shoes

Looks...

"I get my condescending and sexy looks confused! That's why I had such a hard time dating for so many years!" -- Highly Suspeck

Musical Name Calling...

"I'm such a re-e-e-e-e-e te-e-e-e-e-e a-a-a-a-r-d." -- Crafty Sven

Productivity...

"Nothing boosts productivity like procrastination." -- Highly Suspeck

Higher-ups...

"Where are all the higher-ups? What are they, busy? Why aren't they here to serve me?!" -- Highly Suspeck

Life...

"Life comes at you fast — so does fertility." -- Feisty Feline

Work...

"Don't bug me at work with work!" -- Almond Joey

Footwear...

"Ugh! I just saw a guy in a suit wearing crocs!" -- Hulk Jr.

Type For...

Highly Suspeck: Hot Pink Gym Shoes! You're Cliff Clavin!!

Hot Pink Gym Shoes: That's not a compliment is it...?

Cooper: You need to wear shorter pants.

Helping Hands...

"No problema. I'm here to serve." -- Liza the Admin

Super Delivery...

"That's the best email I get all week. My pizzas have been shipped." -- Highly Suspeck

Welcome...

"Nothing says welcome like a tomato" -- Hughly Suspeck

Desk Space...

Highly Suspeck: There's a lot of weird desk karma going on over there.

D-Buttersnaps: Maybe I should just go home.

Favorite Things...

"My two favorite things! Money and ice cream." -- Medicine Woman

Babysitting...

"The best thing about that babysitting job was they had a vibrating waterbed." -- Crafty Sven

Foods...

"I don't want people to think I eat ketchup on a carrot stick and that's it." -- Hulk Junior

Sports Talk...

The Hulk: 6-time World Champions, my friend.

Liza the Admin [without emotion]: Whoopty.

Happy Birthday...

"Almond Joey. I love you. But that song is to militant for me." -- Cooper

Rain...

"Can I borrow your Alka Seltzer for 30 minutes?" -- Highly Suspeck

Running into Coworkers...

"It's like finding Waldo, only better because he waves back!" -- Medicine Woman

Words...

"Did you just swallow a Webster's Dictionary?" -- Irish Eyes

Changes...

"The old Hot Pink Gym Shoes from Portland is no longer." -- Hot Pink Gym Shoes

Press Releases...

"Written by a man, edited by a gang." -- Almond Joey

End of the World...

"So, the Rapture is on Monday and the 28th is the end of the world?" -- Crafty Sven

Touchy Feely...

"Grab me. I'm okay with it." -- The Right to Bare Arms

New Opportunities...

VIP: Everything will all work out.

Burning Man: Unless it doesn't.

Changes...

"Behind every dark cloud, there's another one." -- VIP

Communication...

"You've got my text number, right?" -- Queen Bee

Picky...

"Engaged in nit-pickery." -- Hot Pink Gym Shoes

New Name...

"The conference table is now called Denali." -- Almond Joey

Teamwork...

"Teamwork makes a dreamer." -- Ringmaster

Solutions...

Winnogrand: If there is a way...

Liza the Admin: You found it. Just like you found your stolen computer.

Proofreading...

"You're like my seeing eye dog for English." -- Almond Joey

Staff Changes...

"Stop the bleeding!" -- Highly Suspeck

Photography...

"Hey look, there's a crack in the sidewalk! Take a picture!" -- Highly Suspeck

New People...

"Nice to meet you. Just don't screw it up." -- Cooper

Modeling...

"You've been replaced with a younger, faster model." -- Highly Suspeck

Values...

"How do I draw 'transparency'?" -- Cooper

Courage...

"Courage and cookies. That's all you need." -- VIP

Work Requests...

Medicine Woman: Do you have a lot to do before you leave today?

Highly Suspeck: Yes. What do you need?

Medicine Woman: Just a bunch of crap that I need yesterday...

Expired Plates...

"When I was arrested, it all started because my plates were expired." -- The Ringmaster

Bleak House...

"Charles Dickens didn't base many of his books in Casper, Wyoming." -- Hot Pink Gym Shoes

Planking...

Cooper: What's the reward?
Medicine Woman: I'll bring cookies.
Cooper: That will help the planking. I'll just plank them off!

Day Job...

D-Buttersnaps: What do you do for a living?
Cooper: I'm a Side-tracker. I'm really good at my job.

Website Updates...

"I hope that content migration becomes a touchstone in the arc of your career." -- Burning Man

Judgement...

"You will have to bring in this boyfriend of yours so we can judge him and you." -- Highly Suspeck

Cake...

"We are going to eat cake, because that makes everything better." -- Fedora

Marketing...

"Remember, marketing is not real life." -- Burning Man

People Watching...

"Budda's got a girlfriend." -- Cooper

Processes...

"It's important to remember that we're still hung up in our underwear." -- Burning Man

In the Dark...

"Anyone who wants to go into the copy room in the dark, just let me know." Burning Man

Riches...

"You can still be an idiot and be rich." -- Highly Suspeck

Speech Development...

"It's the State of the College. You gotta put a lot of stuff in there. Like a Thanksgiving Dinner speech." -- Highly Suspeck

Hugs...

"That's what I need right now. A big man-hug." -- Almond Joey

Time Management...

"Time Management Workshop? I don't have TIME!!!" -- Highly Suspeck

People on Campus...

Highly Suspeck: That guy sounded like a bull in the bathroom.
D-Buttersnaps: Better than a china shop.

Work Requests...

"Drop everything you're doing and get into my office." -- Almond Joey

Terms...

"Volt, Vocus and Provost. One's a survey and one's a man." -- Medicine Woman

List Hygine...

Burning Man: You can dedupe.
VIP: Can you dedead?

Lost and Found...

"St. Jude is Hopeless Causes. That's why it resonates with me." -- VIP

Planets...

Queen Bee: Planets shrink?
Crafty Sven: Yeah. That's why it's not a Pluto.

Recycling...

Burning Man: I had the recycling police on my street this morning.
Crafty Sven: Looking in your cans?
Burning Man: Excuse me??

Measurements...

"Do you still have your tape measure? Will you measure me?" -- Burning Man

Supplies...

"Yuck! I'm taking this home to wash it. I don't know where it's been." -- Curly Q

Students...

"I realize now that we don't recruit students, we just wear them down." -- Almond Joey

Job Responsibility...

"I'm just the Dean. What do I know?" -- Anonymous

Underwriting...

"Underwriting is the 'plankton' of our enrollment efforts." -- Hot Pink Gym Shoes

Right and Wrong...

"I hate that I'm right ALL the time." -- Almond Joey

Growing Up...

"I'm not much of an adult." -- Cooper

New Babies...

"A new baby is more intense than a chihuahua." -- Burning Man

Campus Life...

"I liked it because it was a cow-free campus." -- Burning Man

Logos...

"Dead people don't need logos." -- Queen Bee

Appointment...

"Wherever it is, I'm supposed to be there at 10." -- Highly Suspeck

Transparency...

Curly-Q: I am that transparent.
Burning Man: I think of you more as translucent.

Catch Phrase...

"Don't waste the next two years." -- Cooper

Coffee Smells...

"Smells like a holiday." -- Highly Suspeck

Location Elevation...

"With all the taxes I pay, I should live at a higher elevation than you do." -- Highly Suspeck

Helping Hands...

"If I can clean out my desk and help you at the same time, it's a win-win." -- Highly Suspeck

Translation...

"My mom didn't put jam on a baguette." -- Hot Pink Gym Shoes

Commercials...

"Magic Michelle. That's what they need." -- It's 4 Real

Summer Solstice...

"Buckle your seatbelts. The Summer Solstice is a *explitive*." -- Burning Man

Taking Pictures...

Liza the Admin: How do I know if it took the picture?
Burning Man: You get an email.
Liza the Admin: Oh. I cut off your head.

And Scene...

Curly Q: Put your head between your knees and kiss your [butt] goodbye.
Almond Joey: And... Scene.

One Upper...

"Curly-Q Price-Is-Righted me!" -- Hot Pink Gym Shoes

Tablecloths...

"You shouldn't have to be responsible for laundering other people's linen." -- Ringmaster

Cut and Paste...

"Have you ever heard of 'cut' and 'paste'? Everybody's using it." -- Burning Man

Staff Meeting...

Winnogrand: Why are you sitting over here today?

Almond Joey: The new person took my spot!

Fortunes...

" 'Drugs, not hugs.' Ooo, that's a good fortune to use at Burning Man...*under breath*  I'll write that down." -- Burning Man

Escape...

"Well, just got a call saying my dog escaped the yard. Gotta go get her." -- It's 4 Real

News vs PR...

Highly Suspeck: It's more about PR than it is about news.
Almond Joey: *taken aback*
Highly Suspeck: That's right. I drank the Koolaid.

Employee Status...

Cooper: Are we State Employees? I don't feel like a State Employee.
Highly Suspeck: You should waste more time at work then. You're far too productive to feel like a State Employee.

Creativity...

"It's all part of the creative process, leading up to something productive." -- Highly Suspeck

Changes...

"If there WAS a code, it's the opposite of the code. The code has been inverted." -- Hot Pink Gym Shoes

Inclusivity...

"I was kicked out of the Inclusivity Workshop." -- It's 4 Real

Height Requirement...

"You must be at least this tall to be Chancellor." -- Almond Joey

PR...

"That's what PR does. Let's put some lipstick on this pig!" -- Burning Man

A Quiet Office...

"It's so quiet. What happened? Has everyone lost the will to work?" -- Burning Man

The Meeting Call...

*in booming graduate announcer voice*
Burning Man: Curly Q. Hot Pink Gym Shoes.
Curly Q: Burning Man.

Counting...

"I'm usually pretty good at counting to five." -- Hot Pink Gym Shoes

Good Man...

Highly Suspeck: You're a good man, Almond Joey.
Almond Joey: Only on Tuesdays.
Highly Suspeck: Today's Wednesday.
Almond Joey: *explitive*
Highly Suspeck: A liar. You're also a liar.

Introduction Topics...

"Poodles are safe." -- Curly Q

Guilt...

Almond Joey: Now you guys are just making me feel guilty. You know that right?
Highly Suspeck: That's what we live for.

Clothing...

"I'm a clothes horse, myself." -- Almond Joey

Almond Joey-isms...

"See ya, suckers!"
"Goodnight, losers!"

Sneaking Up...

"Don't tell me that! I am done being snucked!" -- Crafty Sven

Helping People...

"What are we doing here if we're not helping scrapbookers?" -- Highly Suspeck

Taking Offense...

"Soon I will offend the entire world with my pretentiousness. *cue evil laughter*" -- Highly Suspeck

Listening...

"I'm not thinking about what you're saying. I'm thinking about comprehending it." -- Hot Pink Gym Shoes

Online Training...

"Well, I'm off to Training-Module Land with Suzi Chapstick over here." -- Highly Suspeck

Commencement...

"The 'Stole of Gratitude' is being replaced this year by the 'Feather Boa of Contempt'." -- Almond Joey

Problems...

"I'm not here to solve the problem. I'm just here to point it out." -- Almond Joey

Handwriting...

"Unfortunately, I did not study the calligraphy of administrative royalty in my undergraduate." -- Highly Suspeck

Future Students...

"Nothing entices a future student more than a dead puppy." -- Burning Man

Photo Shoot...

Photo Scriber: I think I got some handsome pictures of Hot Pink Gym Shoes though.
Hot Pink Gym Shoes: Well some things just shoot themselves, you know?

Lunch...

"Haven't you ever heard of the Egg Salad Fellowship?" -- Burning Man

Indian Names...

"That's my Indian Name: Runs With Scissors." -- Almond Joey

Pie...

"I feel like if there is pie crust there should also be pie." -- Stylish Bow Tie

Gluten Free...

Burning Man: Where were the Glutens before they were free?
Highly Suspeck: The Snakes took the Glutens with them.
Burning Man: Come on, Glutens!

Today is the day...

Almond Joey: Today's the day I'm sending you to Hawaii.
Undisclosed Employee: I won a trip to Hawaii??
Almond Joey: No. I'm buying tires. It's the same thing.

Wait, what?...

"That's right, Liza the Admin. All my kisses taste like chocolate." -- Almond Joey

InNOvation...

"We put the 'no' in 'innovation'." -- It's 4 Real

Eat a Snickers...

"If you want a Snickers they're in the drawer next to the one where I write down things about all of you." -- Burning Man

Smells good...

Queen Bee: It smells good in here.
Hot Pink Gym Shoes: You're welcome.

Name Origin...

"We put the 'Ho' in 'SoHo'." -- It's 4 Real

Today...

"Today is the start of your new attitude." -- Burning Man

Parties...

"I'm always in for an occasion for a party, but never this one." -- VIP

Bellydancing...

"They're called clinkers or something." -- Burning Man

Sarcasm...

"I only use sarcasm when it saves time." -- Burning Man