Reading...

Jack Black Doppelganger: I can't read left-handed writing.
Carrot Cake Lady: Shush.

Last Warning...

"You don't want to be Triple-Dog-Fired, do you?" -- Swedish Fish Rock to Broadway

Go to Jail...

Broadway: I am going to head out because I have to be at the prison for two hours tonight.
Major Mojo S. Boogie: Two hours? That's not a bad prison sentence. You don't even have to post bail!

The Circus...

"This place IS a circus. Barnum and Bailey's got nothing on us!" --Swedish Fish Rock

Leftys...

Carrot Cake Lady: There are more left-handed people then right-handed people in the office now.
Wizard of Wizdom: Does that mean left-handed people are taking over the world?
Carrot Cake Lady: Yes. We are the only people in our right minds.

Tats...

Swedish Fish Rock: I have a tatoo... it says "Schmuck".
Yenta: Is it on your forehead?
SFR: Yep.
Yenta: I have a tatoo too except mine says "Total Shmuk" and "Schmuck" is spelled incorrectly.

Happiness...

"Peanut butter crackers make me very happy. Plus they're good in a pinch and are pretty healthy." --Swedish Fish Rock

Eyes rolling...

"Gag me with a rusty gravy ladle..." --JJ

Reputations...

"I'm a super secret spy. I have a reputation to uphold!" -- Major Mojo S. Boogie

D-Day...

"Happy D-Day! Merry D-Day! Joyous D-Day!" -- Jack Black Doppelganger

Dictionary...

" 'Texted' is not a word." --JJ

Meetings...

Major Mojo S. Boogie: Where do you want to meet?
Pool Man: We can meet in my office.
Major Mojo S. Boogie: What is your office number?
Pool Man: 666

Friendship...

Pseudo Jack Black: Can I tell you how much I needed a friend to decompress with yesterday?
Swedish Fish Rock: No.

Training...

"You did the ADHD training, right?" -- Major Mojo S. Boogie

Names...

"My name rhymes with Machel..." -- The Marathoner

Sharing Earbuds...

"Why wouldn't you want my earwax? It's awesome!" --Swedish Fish Rock

Identity Crisis...

IT Dude: We're going to have to rebuild your identity.
Swedish Fish Rock: Great! Can I come back as a Russian spy this time?

Workplace Review...

"I'm gonna fail at this one... 'Be an example'..." -- Major Mojo S. Boogie

Employees...

"I have all these people in my office and none of them work for me AND I have to be nice to them!" -- Jack Black Doppelganger

Adventures with HR...

"The HR Saga: The story of how one part-time employee defeats the odds to make it to full-time." -- Swedish Fish Rock

Staple Remover...

"I hate taking out staples. That's why I hired my assistant." -- Jack Black Doppelganger

Debt...

"When I was working as a teacher I thought to myself 'Oh, I just went into debt'." -- The Marathoner

Lunch Break...

"I just sat in bird poop... I'm going to be a bit longer." -- Carrot Cake Lady

Wizdom...

"You're more wisdomous than I am!!" -- Janice the Hunchback to the Wizard of Wizdom

Low Saturated...

"I would like to make myself less saturated..." --Swedish Fish Rock

Thank You Cards...

"Looks like the uni-bomber put this together, but it's the thought that counts." --Major Mojo S. Boogie

Giving notice...

"You're going down, Hunchback. You're going down." --Major Mojo S. Boogie

Character References....

"You're not quite Jack Black enough for me." -- Swedish Fish Rock

Comparison...

"Everything in life can be brought back to Zoolander." --Yenta

Circle of Friends...

"I don't want to be in your circle, man. I'd get dizzy." --Swedish Fish Rock

Rescheduling...

"I won't be able to make it to our meeting today. My husband has a court hearing—It's a story better told in person." --Small Business Guru

There's no I in Team...

"When I say we, I really mean me in spirit and mostly you." --Major Mojo S. Boogie

Getting to know you...

"For Valentine's Day I really considered soliciting myself on Facebook..." --Pat The Roadie

Destruction...

"If you don't agree with me, I will destroy you." -- Major Mojo S. Boogie

Assistance...

"That's not input... that's me micromanaging." -- Swedish Fish Rock

The Force...

"The ways of the Force are like the Mac... mysterious and wise." -- Pat the Roadie

Earn your keep...

Swedish Fish Rock: Pat the Roadie is not yet cupcake worthy. One day he will earn it.
Hunchback and D-Buttersnaps: What did you say? We didn't hear you, we were sniffing cupcakes.

You're Dead to Me...

"IT Punk Dude, you are dead to me after you fix that computer." – Swedish Fish Rock